Radiation Day 1 / 2 / 3...

Radiation Day 1... :

Monday Feb 13, 2012     12:00p.m.
Just got checked into the lodge. Pretty nice little place. Had a small tour of the building, met some of the staff, and got my stuff into my room. Huge room......TWO beds....

Blech..... Room-mates.
So far they tell me I will have no roommates this week, so that will be nice.

Radiation at 3:00 p.m.....


So....Radiation went well. I was definitely right about all the creepy noises, lasers, and machines.  Your lying there, bolted to a table by your head, and these machines sound like you are inside a Boeing 747 turbine that's just warming up. Heart rate is definitely a little heightened right now. It is ridiculous how anxiety ridden I am at the moment. I can feel my pulse in every pore on my body. My eyes actually blur from time to time as the heart beats so hard. I know i'm seconds away from that first blast, and I know they say I won't feel anything, but man, is that ever hard to believe right now....

And then it starts. the most loud, horrible noise you could imagine blasts directly into your face. I can't describe the sound, other than to say it's an ugly noise.  I mean, really, the people that made this machine knew that there would be living human beings lying in it one day, going through this, you'd think they could have made the sound effects a little more appealing.  I'm not asking for the care-bear count down or anything. but this is a bit much. It If the noise were it's own language it would be screaming obscenities and dirty words of anger and pain.

BUT... they were right....No pain. No sensation of any sort. Just the anxiety.
The noise gets a little more tolerable once you make that realization.  But it's still ugly.

15 minutes, in and out. I can handle this. :D

Went back to my room, laid down, and was OUT. didn't realize it would make me tired so fast, but I also wonder if that had a bit to do with the anxiety, and stress too.  woke up at almost 11 pm. went for a walk, went to bed.

Radiation Day 2... :

Tuesday  Feb 14, 2012     9:20a.m.

In and out again, 15 minutes of Listening to Alien Vs predator fighting away at my cancer. I imagine if that were the actual fight going on, Alien would win. Alien has the acid spit. Acid spit would be bad for cancer I would assume.
I'm surprised at how i have a lot of muscle tension and pain already in the neck. Mostly along the scars from last years surgery, but is it ever hard to turn and look left or right. Very tired again all day. It starts about an hr to an hr and a half after each dose, where its like a switch is flicked and i suddenly feel like i haven't slept in days.

The people here at the lodge are amazing. They are all so involved in making sure that you have what you need, and that you are taken care of.  I'll admit I feel a bit like a kid in a new school. I walked into the dinner room/cafeteria today, to realize I'm the only patient under the age of 60. I picked an empty seat, grabbed some dinner, and waited until everybody had had their stare, and went back to their own dinners. Lot's of whispers amongst them, but I figure they're trying to be polite.....

But i think i became public enemy #1 to some of them when i loaded up my dinner with salt. The look of shock on some of their faces...mouths wide open looking at me like they are trying to remember the last time they had salt on their dinner. I am really sorry if that sounds bad, but you should have seen the faces.


Radiation Day 3... :

Wednesday Feb 15, 2012    8:00 a.m.

So the alarm clock in my room is broken. Thankfully i was smart and set my cell phone as a back up! only slept in by 10 mins. so I still made my Appt. on time :)  didn't sleep a whole lot last night..but 5 hrs is pretty good for me these days.  Pain is definitely a little more prominent today. the neck muscles are much tighter than yesterday, and my tongue is starting to feel as if I poured boiling water on the right side. But again, the drugs are making it tolerable, so I guess I really shouldn'tcomplain because it's only going to get worse.

The neaseau is definitely up there today. Comes in waves from head to toe with the sleepiness. had to come to my room to lay down before I fall over. Think I'll take a nap and see if I can feel human a little later.

Thank you to all who have sent me private messages this week. I have read them all, and will write you back soon. But as the screen in front of me is going in and out of focus at will, I think I need some sleep.


Take care....
More tomorrow.


Mark