A few days of catching up...

Well, I will start off by apologizing for the most recent delay in my posts.

I fully expected to be able to keep up with this on a day by day basis. However, it has become apparent that this is not the case. I figured I'd at least be able to sit down at some point each night before bed and get something on here, but by the time my days catch up with me, it's late at night and I am DONE.

I will do my best to stay on top of it as often as possible.

So, where did i leave off?

AH! yes, that's right. Day 4......

Day 4 is when things really started getting FUN... it was my first "double-dose" day.

First dose of radiation at 8 am... Not so bad.
then back to the lodge.
6 hrs of feeling like crap.
Then back to the cancer center for another dose.

That night wasn't all too bad, Only one really good bout of nausea and pain that made me feel like dying.

Woke up Friday morning, Not feeling too great. Slammed back a bottle of ensure, some pain meds, some appetite increaser's, some anti-seizures', some anti swellings'. and some "anti-all-the-other-drugs-your-taking" pills to make em all get along and play nice in my tummy. and off to radiation.

2 hrs later, and again. I'm feeling way too good right now. this CAN'T be good.
oh well, it's Friday, and I get to go home for the weekend. It'll be so nice to spend some time with my family, sleep in my own bed, see my puppy Charlie, and feel normal for a day or two. right??

Saturday Morning:

Today is not going to be a good day.
I woke up to the feeling of being electrically shocked straight to the center of my face. I'm pretty sure my entire body left the mattress. OUCH.
You'd think after dealing with this crap since 2010, I'd be a little more accustomed to some of the pains and problems associated with it.
But i'll tell ya, waking up to that shocking sensation in your face NEVER gets any easier. It's like some invisible man walks up and just full on punches you in the face, with electrically charged gloves on. sometimes it hits me so hard it makes me jump, and make some sort of painful, confused sound that always seems to startle anyone within 15 feet of me, causing them all to jump away looking like their waiting for the invisible man to strike them next.
Days that start with the electrics, never go well.


Sunday the 19th 2012

SHOOT ME NOW.....

PLEASE.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Something has to be wrong. I haven't had radiation in roughly 48 hrs... How can I feel this bad? It feels like its 110 degrees inside my skull. Every muscle hurts, my pulse pounds in my eyeballs so hard it blurs my vision with every beat. Deep breaths are like breathing through a hot, soaking wet cloth.

I don't understand how my body can so BADLY want nothing more than to puke, and be rid of this feeling, but NOTHING COMES.

Sunday turned out to be the worst day I have ever experienced. Through out the first round of cancer, through all the surgeries, the missing body parts, and the close calls, I have NEVER  in my life felt as close to death as I did on Sunday. Had i not had Carla, the kids, and my family with me, I would have gone completely out of my mind.
Crossing my fingers that Monday is better.


Monday was a new day. I woke with good feelings, ate breakfast, ate lunch, and had no problems. had a minor nausea bout in the afternoon, but had something to eat as soon as it started and things got better almost immediately.

that brings us up to date for today.

Today has been a relatively great day. I have been on top of my my calorie intake, and am trying to keep a log of everything i eat so that i  can figure out how much i need to eat daily in order to keep the nausea and pain at bay. I managed to have only 2 TINY bouts of problems today, and they passed within 10 minutes...I think i might be figuring this beast out! however, I will wait until I see how tomorrow goes before I get too excited. things change in an instant these days, so I have no choice but to expect the worst, and be happy when it comes out better than i expected. But i have that funny feeling again that today was just TOO good.

I'm gonna pay for it tomorrow.

Take care all, and as always,

Thank you so much for sharing this experience with me. Thank you for your kind words, your encouragement, and your letters. It helps me through my days.

until next time.

Mark,